Sunday, May 10, 2009

“Gay Marriage” - Marriage Equality - Opponents Based on Facts or Personal Fears of Antigay Religious Norms - afraid to love and to be loved?

Sexual Orientation

As the earth revolves around the sun, “Research over several decades has demonstrated that sexual orientation ranges along a continuum, from exclusive attraction to the other sex to exclusive attraction to the same sex (American Psychological Association)” Read more. Additional resource: Kinsey Institute, Learn more & Read more Photo

Heterosexual-Homosexual Rating Scale Criteria

0- Exclusively heterosexual with no homosexual

1- Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual

2- Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual

3- Equally heterosexual and homosexual

4- Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual

5- Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual

6- Exclusively homosexual

Based on the sexual orientation continuum research and studies, first reported by Kinsey that only a very small percent of people are true heterosexual s less than 10%. This means that over 90% of people have to some degree a homosexual orientation. This fact is so often dismissed by many. However, to be truly cognizant of this fact alone would help us all to understand better why there are often heated debates regarding issues of sexual orientation, such as “gay marriage.”

Human Sexuality Education

What is in it for us all to further explore and study the complexity of human sexuality? As a priest, a pastor and a clinical psychologist I could see clearly how it would overall help to eliminate a tremendous amount of stress and anxiety in people’s lives and most of all it would stop the harm to very young children. It would make tremendous improvements in all marriages, relationships, families, schools, jobs, globally and spiritually as well. It would free up a tremendous amount of human potential to be refocused on more important issues like terminal illnesses and hunger, the homeless and advancements in all areas of human endeavors. Photo HIV Kids

It is not by arbitrarily dismissing what we do not fully understand about human sexuality, Pope Benedict XVI’s 2008 Christmas message, it is by thoroughly understanding, valuing and respecting all aspects of both homosexual and transsexual behavior that will not only save humanity but greatly improve it as well, while doing the same for the rainforest. It is a win-win situation for everyone, including the rainforest. Because homosexual and transsexual along with heterosexual are all parts of human sexuality as a whole, impossible to separate and attempts to do so only cause great harm to everyone. Photo AUSCHWITZ -- CHRISTMAS 2008

Human sexuality is integral to Attachment Theory it is about building stronger more secure attachments among all human beings and to the world. Human sexuality is an essential part of every human being and though its’ expression in each person is unique, different from everyone else, as a whole human sexuality remains the bonding force that unites people, as one. Condemning or dismissing any aspects of human sexuality does extreme violence to the human race, as a whole, because instead of bringing us to together, it cruelly divides us, it spreads hate and fear; everyone is hurt by it, especially children. A thorough and continuous education about human sexuality by everyone will greatly improve all our lives and for generations to come. Photo

Continuums of Human Sexuality

Sexual orientation is not the only continuum that makes up the complexity of human sexuality, there is the gender identity continuum and the biological continuum and still others. However, allowing the powerful effects of social norms that are ignorant about human sexuality to continue out of fear only perpetuates the harm to generation after generation. The powerful strength of social norms to influence a person or a whole group of people should not be underestimated, as demonstrated by this video clip from Allen Funt's "Candid Camera." Social norms can be so powerful that they can get entire groups of people to agree to go against truth and logic. This video clip is quite humorous but it is not humorous the kind of serious harm caused to very young children and the life threatening situations even death to many others that is promulgated and perpetuated through the ignorance and fear of social norms not based on truth and facts regarding complexityof human sexuality.

Biological Sex (anatomy, chromosomes, hormones)


Male Intersexed Female

Biological Sex refers to a person’s genitalia and secondary sex characteristics. Each individual is born with either male or female genitalia, or a combination of both.

Gender Identity (psychological sense of self)


Male Transgender Female

Gender Identity represents a person’s core sense of being male, female, or within a continuum that exists between male and female.

Gender Expression (communication of gender)


Male Androgynous Female

Gender Expression reflects external characteristics and behaviors that are socially constructed as masculine or feminine. These include clothing, appearance, speech patterns, demeanor, etc.

Sexual Orientation


Male Attracted Bisexual/asexual Female Attracted

Sexual Orientation refers to the sex or sexes to whom a person is sexually and otherwise intimately attracted. Transgenders can be female-attracted, male-attracted, or attracted to both sexes in some combination.

Kids Are Being Hurt!!!

In 1997, it became clear to me after years of university studies, attendance at APA Conventions, PFLAG, Dignity Detroit, Affirmations Ferndale MI, the LGBT Office at the U of M Ann Arbor MI, my own personal psychotherapy and spiritual direction that very young children who grow up to be LGBT are harmed by the influenced of antigay social and religious norms, therefore, in good conscience I felt the urgent moral obligation to come out publicly. I came out publicly to my parish, where I was the pastor, Holy Family Parish, in Sparta, Michigan to draw attention this kind of child abuse: in hopes the Church’s hierarchy, the Vatican and people would begin to take steps to stop this kind of global abuse to children. My coming out publicly, which was followed by the news media coverage in the press, TV and radio, it placed me in a most unusual perspective as a priest and a student of psychology that few people have the advantage to experience. Photo

All during the time I came out I was able to observe my reactions and feelings as well as individuals from large groups of people not only at the parish but also throughout the Grand Rapids area. I was quite frightened as anyone could imagine, but the truth of the facts about human sexuality and the abuse to children made me strong to face whatever was going to come my way. It was easier to take whatever came my way then to face my life as a coward forever knowing that as a priest I did nothing to stop this kind of abuse to innocent children. My underling attitude was “to prove me wrong” about human sexuality. I really hoped that someone could have proven me wrong before I had come out publicly.

However, I spent too much time and money, in study, therapy, and prayer to learn the truth about myself and to face the truth about my own sexuality that there was no way for me to play stupid. It was indeed extremely strenuous in every way imaginable that after so many years refusing to believe I was "gay" to then begin to learn to accept the facts that I was “gay”, which I could identify I was as far back as my early childhood. I spent over 40 years denying it, unwilling to in anyway even to consciously acknowledge to myself that I was “gay”. However, after I came out to myself, my life did not end, as I had imagined. In fact surprisingly I felt so much better. I felt a strong sense of relief, almost like being reborn. I felt that I could really breath for the first time, in my life. So many pieces of life started coming together making sense, the depression and anger that had been so much a part of my life was beginning to dissipate. I could not believe that every day I felt better than the day before.

I felt indebted to so many people who risked their lives coming out decades before I did, people like Jim Toy from the University of Michigan, who all made it possible for me to come out in much safer environments, particularly like, Affirmations, Ferndale MI. It was the first place I felt I was alive and where my life began.

Teaching Human Sexuality

After, I came out in 1997, I spent the next several months at the parish teaching classes about human sexuality and answering every question that my parishioners had concerning human sexuality. What I found to be true is that the majority of people want to know the facts about human sexuality that it leads to more understanding and a stronger sense of community. There was no mass exodus from the parish, attendance and their financial commitment remained steady. It was quite remarkable for a whole community of Catholic parishioners to demonstrate to the world how education about human sexuality can stop cold the effects of ignorance and fear that usually leads to separation, unrest and hatred among people. Photo PFLAG Detroit Downriver, Mike Neubecker & Rosie O'Donnell - PFLAG Cruise

With the greater majority of my parishioners I was quite able to identify with the kinds of feelings they were experiencing. Because after some 40 years of denial about own sexuality, in therapy, I had to struggle long and hard to separate and put into words all the many feelings that I had and which at times I felt flooded and overwhelmed by. It was not at all easy to face and then to describe. But I did it. I knew the kind and degree of intensity of the feelings involved, so I could hardly expect them to readily accept the fact that I was “gay”. The sense of urgency about the abuse to children quickly had taken the focus off me and onto human sexuality as a whole in order to safeguard children, where it needed to be. I understood much of their confusion, anger, frustration and their own need to protect their own self-image. However, because I had personally struggled with all these issues for so long, I also knew from experience that there was light at the end of the tunnel. I knew that we were all going to survive and come out better for going through it. This seemed to convey a sense of confidence, which seem to make it easier for people to trust me.

Overall I was treated with the same respect and kindness that I had experienced for the 12 years I was their pastor. I must say that I was more than surprised by the parishioners' sense of good will and support shown to me, which alone was a miracle or really just good Christian people. They wanted to know why I had to come out and they wanted me to explain why I did it. But most importantly they were more than willing to listen. "That sounds like good people to me!" Many were frustrated and upset with me, as they would be with a close family member or friend. And many were quite angry with me, in the same way you would get angry at someone you loved and were close to. But there was never any hate, at all. In fact, they were so exceptional good and kind to me that when my term as pastor came to an end 4 months after I came out, it was beyond description how difficult it was for me to leave. It does not happen every day you come out as a “gay” priest to draw attention to very young children who are being harmed by antigay social and religious norms and you are still overwhelmingly loved. It doesn't happen, not in the Catholic Church. It should but it doesn't, hopefully it will. See: Father Geoff Farrow

The True Heterosexuals?

What was most striking and unexpected during the time that I came out was while greeting the large numbers of parishioners after the Sunday Masses there was a small number of individuals, who did not exhibit any frustration about my “coming out.” What was so noticeably absent when they approached me, at different times, individually to speak to me in private was they were completely void of any animosity. I was so surprised by the fact that they were not frustrated or angry with me for coming out. What was so troubling to these separate individuals was that they could not understand clearly how could my coming out cause the amount of frustration that it did in so many people. These were not gay people.

I was startled, at first, because I was so pepped for every possible conceivable response, except this one. I was speechless. They were clueless about any feelings or ideas what it might be like to be gay, accept that you like people of the same sex. This for them did not seem problematic. Therefore they did not display any dislike about homosexual issues as the majority of other people did. The experiential concept of homosexuality was thoroughly foreign to them. What was so disturbing to them was why everyone, in fact many in metropolitan area of Grand Rapids, were so upset about homosexuality. They could not find a way to identify even in the slightest with the majority who were upset by my coming out. "What is the problem? I don't get it!" In fact they felt they were being left out on something that everyone knew but they did not and this was unsettling for them. Some reacted with anxiousness about not being able to "get it" thinking that there must be something seriously wrong with them that they were not able to understand what seemly everyone else did. But what was most striking to me with this small number of separate individuals, they were completely void of slightest degree of any animosity. Photo

Fortunate Families

Since, I have come out in 1997, I continually experience this same phenomena with other people in a variety of situations and professions. A colleague, who has been married for nearly 20 years raising two teenagers, told me about being in church listening to a pastor preaching against same sex marriage and being frustrated not able to understand the logic why the urgency to protect marriage.

“I am sitting in Church and subjected to this rather heated homily about the need to protect the meaning of marriage. What do these priests and the Vatican think that once same sex marriage is approved that we who are happily married are going to immediate separate and remarry someone of the same sex. It does not make any sense. I do not understand why they feel the urgency to protect marriage.”

From my perspective, I find that to be against “gay marriage” does not seem to make any sense to true heterosexual people, who are married. True heterosexual people tend to be more confused by the obsessive need of other people to protect marriage, “From what?” They tend to feel secure about their own sexual orientation and do not see that marriage is threatened in the least if gay people are allowed to marry. In fact, many see it as a wholesome way of life and look forward to it being a reality in the USA. What is noticeably missing from their query is the attitude of self-righteous indignation over the idea of same sex marriages. There is absolutely no hint of a condemning or accusatory tone what they have to say about gay people who want to marry. They can fully understand the reason why two people of the same sex would want to marry each other, because it is for the same reason they got married. They were in love with each other and wanted to feel as one. There is no crime or immorality in wanting to love and to be loved. The crime or immorality would be not to do so or try to prevent others who want to from doing so.

Tony Blair tells the Pope: you're wrong on homosexuality

Pope Benedict XVI and Tony Blair

Heuristically, speaking then these individuals must be the true heterosexuals. Sexual orientation is established very early in life either just before birth or very soon after that these people were never affected growing up by the influence of antigay social or religious norms, because their sexual orientation was totally heterosexual. This is not the same for the more than 90% of the people in the world who, according to the sexual orientation continuum, to some degree have a homosexual orientation. For these people have been to some degree if they were raised in social environments influenced by antigay social or religious norms and would have been harmed by them. Heuristically thinking these people depending on the degree of the homosexual orientation that is a part of their heterosexual orientation would likely be the degree that they are filled with self-hatred and or be projecting it out onto others, such as "gay marriage."

Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places - Looking For Love


Antigay GOP Senator, Larry Craig

Larry E. Craig

Ted Haggard

Pastor Ted Haggard - President of the National Association of Evangelicals, A male prostitute claimed on a Denver radio show that the two had had a three-year sexual relationship.

Rep. Richard Curtis - resigned amid revelations he had sex with a man he met at an erotic video store while in Spokane on a GOP retreat.

Sexual orientation is an experiential part of human sexuality. This means that it is a part of “who you are” and what you would have personally experienced growing up. The shame and disgrace that is wrongly associated with homosexuality is instilled at a very young age to children who grow up in social environments influenced by antigay social and religious norms. Therefore, the traumatic affects growing up in such antigay social environments would affect a person's responses as an adult to be more negative towards homosexual issues, which are more then likely not based on any real facts current or otherwise and are irrationally based. Harry Stack Sullivan MD, Jack Drescher MD, Sidney H Phillips MD and others explain in detail the affects of growing up gay. Read more Perpetuation of Generational Violence to Children -- Who Grow Up to Be Gay FRIDAY, DECEMEBR 19, 2008

Continued on:

THURSDAY, MAY 14, 2009

Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places - Looking For Love - HYSTERIA - Of The Opponents To “Gay Marriage”

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