"Kids Are Being Hurt!!!" - New Ways Ministry Symposium - Pastor "Comes Out" March 1997 - Holy Family Parish - Sparta, Michigan USA

Revised January 29, 2011

Welcome to the

THALAMUS CENTER

EARLY CHILDHOOD PSYCHOLOGICAL DEVELOPMENT

GROWING UP GAY

My name is Fr. Marty Kurylowicz, ordained in 1979, in Grand Rapids, Michigan (below is the list of parishes where I served). I was pastor of Holy Family Parish, Sparta, Michigan USA and in March of 1997, I attended the New Ways Ministry Symposium, in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, where Dr.Richard Isay, Psychoanalyst and Professor of Psychiatry of Cornell University Medical School, gave the keynote address. I was absolutely stunned just how closely I was able to personally identify with Dr. Isay’s description of the different stages of early childhood psychological development and the harm caused to children by the influence of harsh anti-gay societal and religious norms who grow up to be gay. From clinical studies, adult gay men remember feeling "different" at young as 4 and 5 years of age. This feeling "different" was identified as the natural experience of a child's sexual orientation, whether heterosexual or homosexual.

However, unlike a heterosexual male child’s natural expressions of his sexual orientation at 4 or 5 years of age, which is meet with the understanding approval of the parents and his family that is support by social norms, quite the opposite is experienced by a homosexual male child’s natural expressions of his sexual orientation, at the same age. The rejection of a gay child at 4 and 5 years of age is greatly influenced by antigay religious teachings and societal norms of the parents and family, the social environment of this child. This rejection of a gay male child, is a form of child abuse. The degree of trauma experienced by this gay male child caused by the feeling of being rejected by another human being because of the his natural expressions wanting to love and be loved, depends on the severity of the different forms of child abuse used on him to express this rejection. Child abuse has many different forms, emotional, physical, neglect, medical, mental and sexual. Child abuse is a crime that has life-long effects that will forever change a young child's life.

The disapproval of the parents of their child's behavioral expressions in early childhood that are not gender specific with the dictates of social and religious norms is a rejection of their gay child, which is not seen as child abuse, but rather as true parental love sanctioned by their religion. This is the insidious, deceptive nature of this kind of child abuse. One of the many ramifications experienced later in life from this type of child abuse is that it would seem to teach a child how to be mean and hurtful to other human beings and that it is socially acceptable to do so. It was at the New Ways Ministry Symposium, March 1997, as I explain in more detail below that I felt a strong moral obligation, as any decent human being would and most especially being a priest to draw public attention to this form of child abuse that is allowed to continue blindly around the world under the disguise of religious fervor. At this time I was forty-seven years old when I began to realize just how harmful and destructive anti-gay religious norms were during my whole life as well as to other gay people. The harm that is caused by the anti-gay religious norms, as early as 4 and 5 years of age, is being filled with a self-hatred that needlessly lasts throughout a person's life. The effects of this self-hatred is different for everyone, generally causing a person to isolate, avoid intimacy, numerous lost opportunities to succeed, and the list goes on and on.

Before the New Ways Ministry Symposium, March 1997, ended, a newspaper reporter Pittsburgh Post-Gazette asked me, if she could use my name in a press article related to the Symposium. I felt quite taken back by this reporter's request realizing that this would publicly "out" me, as a gay priest. At the time, I was still in the process of "coming out" to myself and felt that I still had so much yet to learn. I had seriously been educating myself on the true facts about sexual orientation issues, as related to the bible, as well as, biological and psychological aspects. For the previous 3 to 4 years, before I attended this New Ways Ministry Symposium, March 1997, I had religiously attended many LGBT related seminars, lectures, genders studies presentations at the American Psychological Associations (APA) National Conventions, PFLAG Detroit and PFLAG Ann Arbor meetings, enrolled in two "coming out" courses at Affirmations, Ferndale, MI, attending mass at Dignity Detroit and involved in the LGBT Office at the University of Michigan, Ann Arbor, MI. Though I had previously "come out" to my family and many of friends, the thought that I would ever "come out" publicly had never enter my mind. It simply was something that I never would have ever planned on doing on my own.

However, I felt morally obligated to say "yes" and stand up for children, especially, as a priest. I knew, too much to remain silent. In my mind, if I did remain silent, I honestly could not even see myself ever celebrating mass in church, again. Because, I would be in direct opposition of the very meaning of mass, which is about Christ's love for all people, most particularly for very young children. I also knew that if I did not give this news reporter the permission to use my name, I would never be able to live with myself knowing that I did nothing, "absolutely nothing" to speak out in some way to stop this kind of psychological harm caused to millions of innocent children for generations to come. I came out to my parishioners, at Holy Family Parish, Sparta, Michigan, shortly after I attended the New Ways Ministry Symposium, in March 1997, as reported in the news media, particlually in The Grand Rapids Press. (Press articles from “The Grand Rapids Press” Grand Rapids, Michigan, March 29, 1997, June 28, 1997, October 8, 2005 and May 27, 2006.) After I came out, I was bombarded by many inquires why I felt such an urgency to "come out" publicly to my parishioners. My answer was

If you see a 2 year old child playing on the train tracks of an oncoming speeding train you don't think about anything else but to grab the kid to safety! 

I could not see any child having to go through all the needless pain and suffering that I went through. I came out to my parishioners in defense of very young children who grow up to be gay. For anyone to remain silent on this issue is to collude with the massive harm and violence caused to very young children.

Someday, maybe, there will exist a well-informed, well-considered, and yet fervent public conviction that the most deadly of all possible sins is the mutilation of a child's spirit. Erik Erikson

Being a priest and a clinical psychologist, I am both well aware of Jesus's love and stern warning to protect children and not to harm a child's spirit or the psychological well being of a child by subjecting a child to the unsubstantiated antigay religious teachings like those promulgated by Benedict XVI and the hierarchy of the Vatican. This type of mutilation of a child's spirit in the name of religion that teaches a child go against his or her God given nature, sexual orientation, is a most grievous sin and in the secular world it is called a "crime against humanity."

And whoever receives one such child in My name receives Me; but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a heavy millstone hung around his neck, and to be drowned in the depth of the sea. Matthew 18:5-6

It is important to remember that it has been noted that homosexuals who are not raised social environments influenced by harsh anti-gay societal norms, particularly anti-gay religious norms, do not display any unusual symptoms that would separate them out from the general population. They tend to live lives that are full, productive and well-adjusted, combined with a strong network of close and enduring relationships.

Parishes Where I Have Served

Diocese of Grand Rapids

&

Archdiocese of Detroit

I served in a number of parishes in the Diocese of Grand Rapids, Michigan. I served at my home parish, the Basilica of St. Adalbert’s Church, Grand Rapids, Michigan during my years studying in the seminary, which began in 1969. After, completing all my seminary training, but before I was ordained a deacon, I was assigned to St. Michael’s Parish, in Remus, Michigan. After, I was ordained a deacon; I was assigned to St. Thomas the Apostle, in Grand Rapids, Michigan. My deaconate ended after being transfered to the two parishes in Ludington, Michigan St. Simon and St. Stanislaus. My first parish after being ordained, as a priest I was assigned to St. Mary Magdalene, Kentwood, Michigan. My next, assignment was at St. Patrick’s Church, Portland, Michigan. I was later assigned for a short time, as temporally administrator at St. Mary Queen of Apostles, Sand Lake, Michigan. Then I was assigned as pastor to Holy Family Parish, Sparta, Michigan; it was in this parish that I came out in March 1997.

After I came out, in March 1997, I helped out in the Archdiocese of Detroit on weekends for mass celebrations at St. Theodore Parish, Westland, Michigan, St. Agatha Parish, Redford, Michigan, St. John Neuman Parish, Canton, Michigan, St. Thomas a Becket Church, Canton, Michigan, St. Priscilla Church, Livonia, Michigan, at Bishop Thomas Gumbleton’s parish St. Leo’s Church, Detroit, Michigan and of course at Dignity Detroit.

A description of the project:

THALAMUS CENTER

Early Childhood Psychological of Development Growing Up Gay

We are a professional clinical group related to promoting a more complete and clinical documented understanding of the early childhood psychological stages of development of growing up gay (LGBTQ) for the purpose to help foster a safer and better world for everyone.

I am a Catholic priest and a clinical psychologist. Along with a professional staff, my colleagues and I explore clinical studies and research data from the major national and international professional, medical, and mental health associations and institutes on human sexuality. Our particular focus is on the early childhood psychological stages of development of children who up to be gay (LGBTQ), including the lifetime harmful psychological effects caused by social environments that have been influenced by antigay social and religious norms. For the purpose of advancing the knowledge and education of the general global population in understanding the complexity and variability of human sexuality, gender, and sexual orientation, we work to stop violence and harm caused to children.


Related links:

AUSCHWITZ -- CHRISTMAS 2008 -- A flashback far more severe than in --- BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN – December 26, 2008 – Fr. Marty Kurylowicz

http://fathermartykurylowicz.blogspot.com/2008/12/auschwitz-christmas-2008-flashback.html 

SEXUAL ORIENTATION is less about sex and more about LOVE, being one with another human being - ATTACHMENT THEORY

Nothing in life is more precious than the intimate relationships we have with love ones. Healthy love relationships delight us give us confidence to take on challenges and support us in difficult times.

http://fathermartykurylowicz.blogspot.com/2010/11/sexual-orientation-is-less-about-sex.html

Groundbreaking Study Finds Family Acceptance of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Adolescents Protects Against Depression, Substance Abuse and Suicidal Behavior in Early Adulthood – by Caitlin Ryan, PhD, December 6, 2010 -FAMILY ACCEPTANCE PROJECT.

http://fathermartykurylowicz.blogspot.com/2011/01/groundbreaking-study-finds-family.html

GAY YOUTH SUICIDE | BENEDICT XVI & BISHOPS Child Sexual Abuse Cover-ups – Negligence Protecting (1) Children & (2) LGBT Children | Family of Rutgers suicide victim lends name to bill – November 19, 2010 – CNN 

Photo 

http://fathermartykurylowicz.blogspot.com/2011/01/gay-youth-suicide-benedict-xvi-bishops.html

Institutionalized STRUCTURAL VIOLENCE – Vatican’s UNSUBSTANTIATED ANTIGAY TEACHINGS - severe harm lasting throughout a child’s lifetime | Benedict XVI & Hierarchy CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE COVER-UPS

http://fathermartykurylowicz.blogspot.com/2011/01/institutionalized-structural-violence.html 

“Coming out” March 1997, Fr. Marty Kurylowicz | Galileo, Benedict XVI & Hierarchy UNSUBSTANTIATED Antigay Pronouncements Harmful to Children – Kids Are Being Hurt!!!

http://fathermartykurylowicz.blogspot.com/2011/01/coming-out-march-1997-fr-marty_25.html#more

“Someday, maybe, there will exist a well-informed, well considered and yet fervent public conviction that the most deadly of all possible sins is the mutilation of a child’s spirit.” Erik Erikson

Kids Are Being Hurt!!!

…whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a heavy millstone hung around his neck, and to be drowned in the depth of the sea. Matthew 18:6

Important note: No disrespect meant to Pope Benedict XVI or the hierarchy, the one and only concern is the safety and well-being of children.

Kids Are Being Hurt !!!