Tuesday, September 8, 2009

"Kids Are Being Hurt!!!" - New Ways Ministry Symposium - Pastor "Comes Out" March 1997 - Holy Family Parish - Sparta, Michigan USA

My name is Fr. Marty Kurylowicz, ordained in 1979, in Grand Rapids, Michigan (below is the list of parishes where I served). I was pastor of Holy Family Parish, Sparta, Michigan USA and in March of 1997, I attended the New Ways Ministry Symposium, in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, where Dr.Richard Isay, Psychoanalyst and Professor of Psychiatry of Cornell University Medical School, gave the keynote address. I was absolutely stunned just how closely I was able to personally identify with Dr. Isay’s description of the different stages of early childhood psychological development and the harm caused to children by the influence of harsh anti-gay societal and religious norms who grow up to be gay. From clinical studies, adult gay men remember feeling "different" at young as 4 and 5 years of age. This feeling "different" was identified as the natural experience of a child's sexual orientation, whether heterosexual or homosexual.

However, unlike a heterosexual male child’s natural expressions of his sexual orientation at 4 or 5 years of age, which is meet with the understanding approval of the parents and his family that is support by social norms, quite the opposite is experienced by a homosexual male child’s natural expressions of his sexual orientation, at the same age. The rejection of a gay child at 4 and 5 years of age is greatly influenced by antigay religious teachings and societal norms of the parents and family, the social environment of this child. This rejection of a gay male child, is a form of child abuse. The degree of trauma experienced by this gay male child caused by the feeling of being rejected by another human being because of the his natural expressions wanting to love and be loved, depends on the severity of the different forms of child abuse used on him to express this rejection. Child abuse has many different forms, emotional, physical, neglect, medical, mental and sexual. Child abuse is a crime that has life-long effects that will forever change a young child's life.

The disapproval of the parents of their child's behavioral expressions in early childhood that are not gender specific with the dictates of social and religious norms is a rejection of their gay child, which is not seen as child abuse, but rather as true parental love sanctioned by their religion. This is the insidious, deceptive nature of this kind of child abuse. One of the many ramifications experienced later in life from this type of child abuse is that it would seem to teach a child how to be mean and hurtful to other human beings and that it is socially acceptable to do so. It was at the New Ways Ministry Symposium, March 1997, as I explain in more detail below that I felt a strong moral obligation, as any decent human being would and most especially being a priest to draw public attention to this form of child abuse that is allowed to continue blindly around the world under the disguise of religious fervor.

At this time I was forty-seven years old when I began to realize just how harmful and destructive anti-gay religious norms were during my whole life as well as to other gay people. The harm that is caused by the anti-gay religious norms, as early as 4 and 5 years of age, is being filled with a self-hatred that needlessly lasts throughout a person's life. The effects of this self-hatred is different for everyone, generally causing a person to isolate, avoid intimacy, numerous lost opportunities to succeed, and the list goes on and on.

Before the New Ways Ministry Symposium, March 1997, ended, a newspaper reporter Pittsburgh Post-Gazette asked me, if she could use my name in a press article related to the Symposium. I felt quite taken back by this reporter's request realizing that this would publicly "out" me, as a gay priest. At the time, I was still in the process of "coming out" to myself and felt that I still had so much yet to learn. I had seriously been educating myself on the true facts about sexual orientation issues, as related to the bible, as well as, biological and psychological aspects. For the previous 3 to 4 years, before I attended this New Ways Ministry Symposium, March 1997, I had religiously attended many LGBT related seminars, lectures, genders studies presentations at the American Psychological Associations (APA) National Conventions, PFLAG Detroit and PFLAG Ann Arbor meetings, enrolled in two "coming out" courses at Affirmations, Ferndale, MI, attending mass at Dignity Detroit and involved in the LGBT Office at the University of Michigan, Ann Arbor, MI. Though I had previously "come out" to my family and many of friends, the thought that I would ever "come out" publicly had never enter my mind. It simply was something that I never would have ever planned on doing on my own.

However, I felt morally obligated to say "yes" and stand up for children, especially, as a priest. I knew, too much to remain silent. In my mind, if I did remain silent, I honestly could not even see myself ever celebrating mass in church, again. Because, I would be in direct opposition of the very meaning of mass, which is about Christ's love for all people, most particularly for very young children. I also knew that if I did not give this news reporter the permission to use my name, I would never be able to live with myself knowing that I did nothing, "absolutely nothing" to speak out in some way to stop this kind of psychological harm caused to millions of innocent children for generations to come. I came out to my parishioners, at Holy Family Parish, Sparta, Michigan, shortly after I attended the New Ways Ministry Symposium, in March 1997, as reported in the news media, particlually in The Grand Rapids Press. (Press articles from “The Grand Rapids Press” Grand Rapids, Michigan, March 29, 1997, June 28, 1997, October 8, 2005 and May 27, 2006.) After I came out, I was bombarded by many inquires why I felt such an urgency to "come out" publicly to my parishioners. My answer was
If you see a 2 year old child playing on the train tracks of an oncoming speeding train you don't think about anything else but to grab the kid to safety! Kids Are Being Hurt!!!

I could not see any child having to go through all the needless pain and suffering that I went through. I came out to my parishioners in defense of very young children who grow up to be gay. For anyone to remain silent on this issue is to collude with the massive harm and violence caused to very young children.

Someday, maybe, there will exist a well-informed, well-considered, and yet fervent public conviction that the most deadly of all possible sins is the mutilation of a child's spirit. Erik Erikson

Being a priest and a clinical psychologist, I am both well aware of Jesus's love and stern warning to protect children and not to harm a child's spirit or the psychological well being of a child by subjecting a child to the unsubstantiated antigay religious teachings like those promulgated by Benedict XVI and the hierarchy of the Vatican. This type of mutilation of a child's spirit in the name of religion that teaches a child go against his or her God given nature, sexual orientation, is a most grievous sin and in the secular world it is called a "crime against humanity."
And whoever receives one such child in My name receives Me; but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a heavy millstone hung around his neck, and to be drowned in the depth of the sea. Matthew 18:5-6
It is important to remember that it has been noted that homosexuals who are not raised social environments influenced by harsh anti-gay societal norms, particularly anti-gay religious norms, do not display any unusual symptoms that would separate them out from the general population. They tend to live lives that are full, productive and well-adjusted, combined with a strong network of close and enduring relationships.

Parishes Where I Have Served

Diocese of Grand Rapids
Archdiocese of Detroit

I served in a number of parishes in the Diocese of Grand Rapids, Michigan. I served at my home parish, the Basilica of St. Adalbert’s Church, Grand Rapids, Michigan during my years studying in the seminary, which began in 1969. After, completing all my seminary training, but before I was ordained a deacon, I was assigned to St. Michael’s Parish, in Remus, Michigan. After, I was ordained a deacon; I was assigned to St. Thomas the Apostle, in Grand Rapids, Michigan. My deaconate ended after being transfered to the two parishes in Ludington, Michigan St. Simon and St. Stanislaus. My first parish after being ordained, as a priest I was assigned to St. Mary Magdalene, Kentwood, Michigan. My next, assignment was at St. Patrick’s Church, Portland, Michigan. I was later assigned for a short time, as temporally administrator at St. Mary Queen of Apostles, Sand Lake, Michigan. Then I was assigned as pastor to Holy Family Parish, Sparta, Michigan; it was in this parish that I came out in March 1997.

After I came out, in March 1997, I helped out in the Archdiocese of Detroit on weekends for mass celebrations at St. Theodore Parish, Westland, Michigan, St. Agatha Parish, Redford, Michigan, St. John Neuman Parish, Canton, Michigan, St. Thomas a Becket Church, Canton, Michigan, St. Priscilla Church, Livonia, Michigan, at Bishop Thomas Gumbleton’s parish St. Leo’s Church, Detroit, Michigan and of course at Dignity Detroit.

A description of the project:

Early Childhood Psychological of Development Growing Up Gay

We are a professional clinical group related to promoting a more complete and clinical documented understanding of the early childhood psychological stages of development of growing up gay (LGBTQ) for the purpose to help foster a safer and better world for everyone.

I am a Catholic priest and a clinical psychologist. Along with a professional staff, my colleagues and I explore clinical studies and research data from the major national and international professional, medical, and mental health associations and institutes on human sexuality. Our particular focus is on the early childhood psychological stages of development of children who up to be gay (LGBTQ), including the lifetime harmful psychological effects caused by social environments that have been influenced by antigay social and religious norms. For the purpose of advancing the knowledge and education of the general global population in understanding the complexity and variability of human sexuality, gender, and sexual orientation, we work to stop violence and harm caused to children.

Important note: I mean no disrespect to Pope Benedict XVI or the hierarchy, the one and only concern is the safety and well-being of children. Kids are being hurt!!!

Further Reading:

Important note: I mean no disrespect to Pope Benedict XVI or the hierarchy, the one and only concern is the safety and well-being of children. Kids are being hurt!!!

"Someday, maybe, there will exist a well-informed, well-considered, and yet fervent public conviction that the most deadly of all possible sins is the mutilation of a child's spirit." Erik Erikson

Child abuse comes in many different forms. Emotional, Physical, Medical, Mental and Sexual. Every minute of every day a child is abused in some form by their parents, family members or friends.

Benedict XVI – promulgating unsubstantiated antigay teachings of the Vatican and unchallenged decades of silencing vital substantiated evidence about human sexuality contaminates social environments lethal to the future wellbeing of children - perpetuating extreme child abuse. MSK

1. Study All the Facts about Human Sexuality,

2. Talk with all parents of LGBTIQ children,

3. Talk with all LBGTIQ people and

4. Follow the words of Jesus - "A new command I give you:

Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." John 13:34-35

Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. John 15:12-13

"Kids Are Being Hurt !!!"

5. Isn't the above your job - Benedict XVI and of all the hierarchy, as well as, everyones?

Related links:

Auschwitz Christmas 2008 - A flashback far more severe than in Brokeback Mountain

The Achilles’ heel for Benedict XVI, the Hierarchy & the Vatican regarding Sexual Orientation – Homosexuality – Gender Identity

Sexual orientation is less about sex and more about love, being one with another human being. Attachment Theory - - LOVE & RELIGION by MSK

Sexual Orientation, Breathing and Heart Beating - Operate Automatically and Continuously by MSK

Gay clergy eligible for all Episcopal ministry By Rachel Zoll - AP Associated Press

Lutherans lift barrier on gay clergy - By Duke Helfand - August 21, 2009 – Los Angeles Times

Tony Blair, Gays, Benedict XVI - KIDS ARE BEING HURT!!! Good Friday 2009

Psychologists repudiate gay-to-straight therapy By DAVID CRARY - The Associated Press (AP)

Tapping the Power of Family Acceptance - San Francisco State University – Magazine

Prayers for Bobby 2009

The Trevor Project - www.thetrevorproject.org

No - USA CIVIL LAWS - To Protect CHILDREN From Harmful Influence of - Vatican's Unsubstantiated ANTIGAY TEACHINGS - by Fr. Marty Kurylowicz


APA Psychologists Repudiate “gay-to-straight” therapy

In a resolution adopted by the APA's governing council, and in an accompanying report, the association issued its most comprehensive repudiation of "reparative therapy" — a concept espoused by a small but persistent group of therapists, often allied with religious conservatives, who maintain gays can change.

No solid evidence exists that such change is likely, says the resolution, adopted by a 125-4 vote. The APA said some research suggests that efforts to produce change could be harmful, inducing depression and suicidal tendencies. Read more American Psychological Association Convention, Toronto, August 6-9, 2009

Important note: I mean no disrespect to Pope Benedict XVI or the hierarchy, the one and only concern is the safety and well-being of children. Kids are being hurt!!!

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