Thursday, May 21, 2009

I’m a thousand different people, every single one is real - I’ve a million different feelings, OK but at least I feel!




GUILT
Guilt is a funny thing. It is sticky and clings to you like a magnet. You can push it all around put it in your hat or stick it in your shoe but there is no losing it. This is true no matter how much you can convince one or 100’s of your innocence you still go home with your guilt. You can pretend it isn’t there, but you will be fooling only yourself because everyone else will see the truth and your guilt.



Peace of mind on the other hand doesn’t stick it just “is” you either have or you don’t. It is comfortable through all kinds of life situations, even if death looks imminent, its’ there for you. It is only acquired through a self-generated atomic love for truth and justice. Years ago, a close friend noticed my guilt in the form of anger. He said you are always angry, you look like you are on fire sometimes. I brushed him off thinking he doesn’t know what he is talking about, but what he had said to me never left me. I couldn’t shake it off. I realized that he was right, which only increased my anger. He identified my guilt. I noticed that I was angry whenever I was around someone like my friend who I was quite unconsciously attracted
to, but would never admit it to myself. My friend was someone I really liked and it seemed that whenever our friendship grew closer my anger grew stronger keeping us separate. Anger and depression seemed to be so indelibly etched in my life always wanting to love and to be loved and unknowingly pushing it away whenever it came close to me.

And when I would return home I would still be angry and would remain so for several days later. After being away from my friend I would calm down, but all anyone had to do is mentioned my friend’s name and that white hot anger inside of me was lit once again. My normal personality is generally light hearted and gregarious. So, when I would get angry it was quite out of character for me. My anger was never directed at anyone. It was more like a pressure cooker letting off stream, well okay, except for a rector every now and then. Otherwise, I was really quite safe to be with, more often comedic, animated and fun, too. I would rant and rave on and on about something completely out of the blue. I can remember being out with good friends and after getting carried away in some fit of anger about absolutely nothing of any significance. Then realizing what an idiot I was sounding like, I looked at my friends and started laughing pounding my hand on the table declaring "I am really a very nice person!!!" Photo

ANGER = THERAPY
It was because of this anger, which was mixed with depression that I went into therapy. I couldn’t understand where all this anger was coming from, at times I swear my anger was strong enough it could light up all of New York City. Interesting, during my therapy sessions I never dealt with my sexuality, it was noticeably absence, even to me later on. And oddly enough I would say to my therapist that the therapy isn’t helping me because I still get as anger as I did before. What was also noticeable was that I was always talking about other people’s gay relationships. When my therapist said “Me thinks He Doth Protest Too Much” I past this statement off as my therapist just doesn’t understand me. Little did I know he was quite on target. However, it was not after changing and trying two other therapists before I came to understand the truth about myself though I did not “come out” to myself in a therapy session.

VATICAN'S ANTIGAY TEACHINGS = THERAPY + PROLONGED THERAPY
What severely impacted my many years in therapy was that I was inwardly consciously and unconsciously holding on very tightly, with a child like belief, to the Vatican's antigay teachings, which were conveyed to me as far back as my early childhood years. Little did I know that that was the very reason why I was in therapy in the first place and what was unnecessarily prolonging my need to be in therapy. So harmful are the Vatican's antigay teachings to a child who grows up to be gay and then continues to be harmful throughout his adult life.

COMING OUT and NEW BEGINNINGS
The very first person I was able to “come out” to was a Trappist Abbot, who I visited yearly, some 3000 miles away from where I lived. I came out to him just before I was to enter the monastery. The Abbot was shocked that I thought being "gay" was something bad. He said "Why it is a 'gift' from God!!!" Then I was in shock. It was not the response it had expected. I was completely confused. Disappointed at first, however, "life" began there for me but ever so faintly but it was definite I was "different." The Abbot told me ever so kindly and reassuringly that I must, first, go back out into the world and come to appreciate all the blessings that come with being "gay." It had the feeling of the male version of the Sound of Music. At that time, I could not even imagine being "gay" in any positive light. But I trusted the Abbot's wisdom, his sincerity, his genuine empathy for another human being and his care for me. It was not until several years later and my fifth therapist that I began to normalize to the truth about myself that I was indeed “gay.” It was at Affirmations, Ferndale, MI that I really noticed my life beginning. There were several more years of acclimating that I had to go through before I realized that I was at peace with myself and the anger I wore like a coat had greatly dissipated. All that energy trapped in suppressing the fact I was “gay” for years and years was turned loose. I went back to school now in by mid 40's. I was simultaneously enrolled taking classes at both Aquinas College, Grand Rapids, MI and the University of Michigan, Ann Arbor, MI at the same time, all while being a full time pastor in Grand Rapids, MI (Holy Family Parish, Sparta, MI) and teaching High School and 3rd grade religion classes. Without all that anger eating me up inside I came "alive" for the first time in my life! I felt like that song "But Alive" from the Broadway musical “Applause”. La Trappe, France Thomas Merton Photo (Photo not of the Monastery I attended) 800

A L I V E

Initially this led to a host of new problems being out with my priest-friends. Instead of bursts of anger, now in my mid 40's and sober I'd have these uncontrollable bursts of energy to breakout into dancing and swinging from street lamp posts all up and down Yonge St. in Toronto, singing "I'm alive!!! I'm alive!!! Though nowhere near the genius and talent, it was something like Gene Kelly in "Singing In The Rain." Surprisingly, I even had some spontaneous crowd participation shouting back "And we're glad you are!" Even that I could hear for the very first time in my life and believe they meant it, because I was acting so obnoxiously ridiculous in public. Without all that anger blocking my hearing I could actually hear love and appreciate the feeling of affection and not feel the immediate need to run away. Just love Toronto! However, my priest-friends, as you might imagine, were quite embarrassed and quickly grabbed me and ushered me out of public view, practically having to sit on me to shut me up. I did appreciate their kindness and the fact that they did not leave me behind but have remained my good friends. Photo 1,214,041
The Real
S A I N T S
All the while I was feeling so much better I constantly felt so indebted to the people who came out before me, for their parents and friends who supported them, because they all paved the way for people like me to come out in much safer and better environments then they did. Their gift to us was to experience what it truly feels like to be alive and to be able to love and be loved without fear and without guilt. They were for me the real saints, I was so astonished and admired their courage and love for humanity. It was all quite unbelievable that the world was filled with such wonderful people, risking their lives for people, people they do not even know. Now, this was quite a significant realization to have, being a priest. Maybe I was thinking that they were truly the real priesthood making the world a better place for everyone, simply because they were willing to be honest about themselves, and that truth meant everything and was valued. And this is evil?!? I don’t think so! They were more like Christ out for everyone. Now that is what it means to be gay! No anger!!!!!!! And everyone is important!!!!!!!!! Just a slice of heaven!!!!!!!!!







I feel wicked and wacky and mellow
Firm as Gibraltar and shaky as Jello
But alive, but alive, but alive!

I feel half Tijuana, half Boston
Partly Jane Fonda and partly Jane Austen
But alive, that’s the thing, but alive!
This kaleidoscope of feelings whirls around inside my brain
I admit I’m slightly cuckoo, but it’s dull to be too sane!
And I feel brilliant and brash and bombastic
Limp as a puppet and simply fantastic
**Frisky as a lamb, lazy as a clam
Crazy but I am … alive!

DANCE BREAK
This kaleidoscope of feelings whirls around inside my brain I admit I’m slightly cuckoo, but it’s dull to be too sane!
And I feel brilliant! Bombastic! Super! Fantastic!
Alive! Alive! Alive! Alive!

Me thinks They Doth Protest Too Much

I think that this is true of everyone more than most people know. So, when I run into people who are so angry about Marriage Equality I have an immediate flashback to the time that I had all that anger. I then have to ask where is all their anger coming from. “Me thinks They Doth Protest Too Much.” And who is doing the most protesting? It sure does help to see clearly when you remove the plank in your own eye, first. It does not make any sense for some people, clergy, hierarchy and pontiffs to be so so angry about Marriage Equality, because nobody is interested in marrying them. It almost has the makings of a real classic musical comedy Broadway Show if it wasn't my life and so tragic the abuse they are causing to innocent children around the world, youth suicides and killings of adults. In the end it is just about "being mean" for the sake of "being mean", being as cruel as anyone can be to another human being. I guarantee they will find absolutely no peace of mind. Because they have never known it in their lives, otherwise they could not be so inhuman to fellow human beings, especially to children worldwide. Their lives will remain filled with only anger and depression and with not even a hint of love. This is likely because no one considered their feelings when they were children growing up and being part of the 90% of those who have some degree of homosexual orientation mixed with their heterosexual orientation. Maybe this is why Jesus said to his real and true followers the rule about the plank and speck.

"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's [sister's] eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother [sister], 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's [sister's] eye." Matt 7:3-5
We are more alike than we are different from one another. The way to check this out is by checking out who is angry about Marriage Equality. If they are absolutely 100% heterosexual what and how would they know anything about homosexuality? Where are they getting their information? Many questions to be answered if their anger will allow them to.

I found that the true heterosexuals are clueless about homosexuals expressions of love and they have absolutely no anger towards homosexuals, especially people they never met and do not know. They tend to be genuinely interested about what life is like for them, but no anger. They tend to connect on the issues about what it is like to fall in love with someone.
My only concern is to stop the abuse to innocent children who are defenseless and powerless to protect themselves. I would hope this was first and foremost everyone's concern. First, intelligently and thoroughly make sure, as God wants us to, if kids are safe, before speaking harmful words.

The Bible and Being
Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender
I learned from my studies in psychology and my personal therapy that sexual orientation is a natural development of a being human and therefore cannot be considered a sin against God. This is where my guilt began, as far back as when I was a child. From further studies of those like from Daniel Helminiak, STL, PhD, PhD, LPC regarding "Does the bible condemn homosexuality?" I learned that it does not. I was experiencing a different kind of strong feeling that of needing to be protective of children when I realized through studies, therapy and my "coming out" that children as young as 4 and 5 years of age know that they are different not gay but that they do not fit in. This "different" and "not fitting in" are the effects of antigay influences experienced as a child. These same children grow up to be gay.


Realizing how long it took me to "come out" in my 40's I could not even think of putting even one child through what I went through. All that wasted time, years, opportunities for life and love lost! I came out publicly, in 1997, to draw attention to this kind of harm caused to children who grow up to be gay raised in social environments influenced by antigay social and religious norms. They are our tomorrows!!! They are loved and watched by God. NO ONE EVER SHOULD HARM A CHILD!


M U S T * P R O T E C T * C H I L D R E N

When I realized that the guilt that I had nearly all my life never had to be there or all that therapy, time and money spent. I experienced an unsettling feeling of frustration of injustice and truth that something positive has to be done to keep children safe. The criminal lack of responsibility to protect children by the Vatican and the hierarchy woke up in me this strong moral obligation that children must be protected.

The Vatican and the hierarchy believe they are (a) justified that they are not obligated to compensate people for the lifetime of harm that they have caused beginning as far back as children. In addition, (b) they are not stopping this kind of harm caused to children.

(1) How is the Vatican and the hierarchy any different than the tobacco companies who were made to be responsible to pay for the harm they caused their consumers?

(2) How can the Vatican and the hierarchy be allowed to continue to emphatically instructed people that they must believe the Vatican's antigay teachings in order to save their souls, which has been proven to cause life threatening harmful effects (see, Family Acceptance Project, “Pray Away the Gay”, "Suicide Prevention Among LGBT Youth").

(3) How can the Vatican and the hierarchy not be held accountable for the harm they caused and are still causing, especially when it involves the lives of innocent children, who have no voice and are powerless to protect themselves? Catholics love their faith and remain faithful, but children must be protected against the life threatening effects caused by antigay teachings and therefore cannot remain silent.

(4) How can antigay teachings that cause this kind of child abuse, impacting youth suicide rates, and contributing to the torture and killings of LGBT people be allowed to continue, in the name of religion?

(5) Tony Blair has been the only World Leader who has spoke out, April 2009 to end this violent harm caused by the Vatican and the hierarchy's antigay teachings.

(6) Why are the rest of the world leaders remaining silent?

Recently, from the United Kingdom the Royal College of Psychiatrists announced that they share
the concern of both the American Psychiatric Association and the American Psychological Association that positions espoused by bodies like the National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality (NARTH) in the United States are not supported by science. There is no sound scientific evidence that sexual orientation can be changed. Furthermore so-called treatments of homosexuality as recommended by NARTH create a setting in which prejudice and discrimination can flourish.
The Royal College of Psychiatrists holds the view that lesbian, gay and bisexual people should be regarded as valued members of society who have exactly similar rights and responsibilities as all other citizens. This includes equal access to health care, the rights and responsibilities involved in a civil partnership, the rights and responsibilities involved in procreating and bringing up children, freedom to practice a religion as a lay person or religious leader, freedom from harassment or discrimination in any sphere and a right to protection from therapies that are potentially damaging, particularly those that purport to change sexual orientation.

In 1973 the American Psychiatric Association concluded there was no scientific evidence that homosexuality was a disorder and removed it from its diagnostic glossary of mental disorders. The International Classification of Diseases of the World Health Organisation followed suit in 1992. Read more
Love The Church
And
C A N N O T * R E M A I N * S I L E N T
About
C h i l d A b u s e
I am not against the Catholic Church nor the Vatican, it is because of my strong faith that I am for keeping innocent children safe from all life threatening harm and not remain silent. How can anyone remain silent when the innocent lives of children, who have no voice and are powerless to protect themselves are threatened? The Vatican and the hierarchy have already proven their lack of responsibility of protect children from decades of ongoing child sexual abuse, how can we allow this form of child abuse caused by their antigay teachings to continue? When it comes to Judgment Day, we will all be held accountable of how well we protected the lives of innocent people and most particularly defenseless children. Will we be excused for our sin of omission by saying we were only following orders? How well are we following Christ's one command that he gave us all?



A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all men [women] will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another. John 13: 34-35
The Judgment

But when the Son of Man comes in His glory, and all the angels with Him, then He will sit on His glorious throne. All the nations will be gathered before Him; and He will separate them from one another, as the shepherd separates the sheep from the goats; and He will put the sheep on His right, and the goats on the left.

Then the King will say to those on His right, 'Come, you who are blessed of My Father , inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.' Then the righteous will answer Him, “Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed You, or thirsty, and give You something to drink? And when did we see You a stranger, and invite You in, or naked, and clothe You? When did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?” The King will answer and say to them, 'Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers [sisters] of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.'

Then He will also say to those on Hi s left, “Depart from Me, accursed ones, into the eternal fire which has been prepared for the devil and his angels; for I was hungry, and you gave Me nothing to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me nothing to drink; I was a stranger, and you did not invite Me in; naked, and you did not clothe Me; sick, and in prison, and you did not visit Me.” “Then they themselves also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see You hungry, or thirsty, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not take care of You?' "Then He will answer them, 'Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to Me.' "These will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life." Matt: 25, 31-46

How To Protect Children?
With
Every Voice Helping
Changes have to be made to protect children this is first and foremost in the mind of God, as we learn from the Gospels. Fortunate Families have already suggested practical ways to address protecting children in a very Christ like manner. Every voice makes a difference in making this a safe world for children! Fortunate Families set as their goal dialogue, not confrontation. They hope to motivate people “to encourage and challenge their bishop(s) to dialogue with Catholic LGBT persons, with their Catholic parents and other family members, and with Catholic pastoral ministers who minister with both of these groups.”

Fortunate Families are concerned parents of LGBT children and they work endlessly to foster changes that will make the world a safer place not only for their children but for all LGBT people. They are dedicated to working within the Catholic Church to help foster change at the very foundation of Catholic teaching. They are continuing the work that began in 1997 when the USA Bishops released their document “Always Our Children.” It was the first document from the Catholic Church that was moving in a positive direction concerning LGBT people and they are holding the bishops accountable to their words.

Research supports that dialogue with people, such as LGBT people, parents, families and ministers helps to stop the depersonalization that takes place, which allows for inhuman treatment of innocent people to flourish uncheck. It is far more difficult to mistreat people you have met and have taken the time to know, than people you have never met. Fortunate Families have not taken on an easy goal but one that has been proven to produce long lasting effective changes. As parents of LGBT children you can well understand their fearless efforts to protect their children not just for today but far into the future.

Catholic groups are understandably mistrusted considering the antigay atmosphere that is so often found in the news regarding the Catholic Church. However, as national statistics have shown that not all Catholics in "good conscience" can be supportive of the antigay teachings and work continuously for reform. Fortunate Families is such a group. I would suggest a visit to their website and learn more. Fortunate Families are able to help educate people about LGBT issues in the Catholic Church, which is the most effective way to change attitudes. Considering that the most opposition to Marriage Equality comes from Christians who have never known LGBT people, Fortunate Families are in the front lines initiating change in favor of all LGBT people. Read more
Fr. Marty Kurylowicz, M.Div., M.S.
Property of MS Kurylowicz, May 2009
WEDNESDAY, MAY 20, 2009



Report: Sexual orientation not a factor in priest sex abuse -Philadelphia Gay News - Jen Colletta
Child Protection Service of the Archdiocese of Dublin, November 2009 -Report by Commission of Investigation into the handling by Church and State authorities of allegations and suspicions of child abuse against clerics of the Catholic Archdiocese of Dublin. Read complete report->Report by Commission of Investigation into Catholic Archdiocese of Dublin
Murphy report is only the beginning – The Sunday Times – Times Online, November 29, 2009
Murphy Report: Background And Composition – by PATSY MCGARRY AND CAROL COULTER – The Irish Times – November 27, 2009
Catholic Church in Ireland given immunity for child sexual abuse cover-up, report says, 26, November 2009 – Telegraph.co.uk
Pope 'led cover-up of child abuse by priests' – London Evening Standard – standard.co.uk
Irish Church accused of abuse cover-up – BBC News, 26 November 2009
Open letter to nuncio calls on pope to remove bishops – by GENEVIEVE CARBERY - The Irish Times
AUSCHWITZ * FLASHBACK, AGAIN!!! *** Love is NEVER a Threat – Hate is ALWAYS a Threat - To Everyone!!! ->Part 2
AUSCHWITZ * FLASHBACK, AGAIN!!! *** Love is NEVER a Threat – Hate is ALWAYS a Threat - To Everyone!!! -> PART I
US Catholic Bishops threaten the moral 'fabric of society' and the sanctity Gay unions – 2009
Report: Homosexuality No Factor in Abusive Priests - By RACHEL ZOLL - ABC News – 2009
"Kids Are Being Hurt !!!"

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